To All Patrons of the Theatre,
Don’t arrive late. It’s just rude. I know that sometimes there are circumstances beyond your control Sometimes there are accidents or bad weather. Maybe you should plan a little extra time for travel to account for the unexpected.
If you do arrive late, shut your mouth as the usher shows you to your seats. Don’t continue to discuss the unexpected event that made you late, hoping that those around you will overhear your conversation and assume that you are not really late, since it wasn’t your fault. That just makes those around you dislike you even more.
And speaking of late, don’t wait so long to order your tickets that you won’t be able to sit with your entire party, and then yell across rows of people to the rest of your friends. It’s just rude. As you wait for the show to start, get up and go talk to whomever you want to, but don’t make everyone listen to your life story. Especially when you have a voice like yours (yeah lady behind me the other night, you know who you are)! And extra especially if you realize right before curtain that you left your cell phone in the bathroom. Nobody needs to know that it was in your hand, and you don’t know where you put it. The mental images that conjures are just wrong. Then, as the lights are dimming and the gentleman is telling everyone to turn off their cell phones and enjoy the show, when your cell phone rings (loudly) don’t pick it up and have a conversation telling that person that you thought you lost it and your daughter is off looking for it in the bathroom! Just turn it off and wait until intermission to apologize to your daughter for making her miss curtain while searching a bathroom. Especially if your daughter is sitting several rows of people away from you.
When you bring children to the theatre, please be mindful of what they are doing. The person in front of you does not keep turning around to look at your child because he’s so good looking. It’s probably because your child is doing something annoying – like kicking the seat in front of him. So when the patron in front of your child politely asks them to stop kicking the seat, don’t look at her like she is rude for talking. And when the musical (or other event) is over, don’t stop the kind beautiful woman who was annoyed by your child and say “I’m sorry he was kicking your seat. He just doesn’t understand that he’s not at the movies.” Because I’ve got news for you – That’s not okay at the movies either!!!
And speaking of when the musical is over – it’s not over until the house lights come up. This is not a football game where your team is up 54-6 with 40 seconds left. It’s not over until the performers are done with their bows. Don’t start walking out at the end of the finale to beat traffic. Be respectful of all the time these performers put in to give you a few hours of entertainment. Because I’ve got news for you – it may be dark where you’re standing, but the actors can still see you. And it hurts a little that you don’t care enough to stand for a few extra seconds and clap for their talents and efforts.
A Patron of the Arts (who has at least a little class)